well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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