he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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