You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
