I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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