I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
