Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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