Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
