I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
