NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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