Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
