you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
