Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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