How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
