Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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