I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
