I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Me too!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
