This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
