How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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