Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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