toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im drinking this country out of the recession.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
