She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's like heaven, but drunker
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
