Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize