I got chris browned last night
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
