Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
