we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
