I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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