Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
