Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
