They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
