Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
