You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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