At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
