At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize