So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
