If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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