The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
