My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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