"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The best revenge is premature balding
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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