Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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