i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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