dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
