i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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