I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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