i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
