I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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