Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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