Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
