She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
