Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
