When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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