the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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