In America we eat man semen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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