i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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