we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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