well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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