I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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