you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
