I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize