Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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