I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
