i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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