i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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