btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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