there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
