i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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