My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
