Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
