alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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