just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
