LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
3pm strippers are depressing
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
