I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize