the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
