Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
