I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
