Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
