Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
